To Our Little Jett

To my Jett.

I love you, little man.

I don’t know who you are, what you look like, how you smile, what your cry sounds like, whether you have my nose or Dad’s, what color your eyes are, if you have lots of hair or you’re coming to us as a baldy—but I know I love you.

After you make your appearance into this world, I will never not know your face again. As you wiggle in my tummy, I have dreams of holding you, looking into your eyes and marveling at how big you are, but those dreams are just my own projections. I have no idea what kind of personality you will have—yet after I meet you I will always know you and I will love you literally forever.

Jett—you are ours. You are ours right now, and you will be ours forever. No matter what you do, where you go, who you become, you will be our son. We will walk with you in the difficult moments and celebrate your wins. We are already proud of you and you haven’t done a thing other than simply exist; I deeply believe that’s a taste of the Father’s love already. I hope you know that even more than we love you, you have a perfect Parent who adores you and is the One who formed you from the beginning.

Those who have prayed for you and over you have told me two things about who you are, how He has formed you: that you are a worshiper, and that you are kind. This brings tears to my eyes—how our world needs young men who worship God in Spirit and in Truth, and who are kind! Your gentleness was even pointed out to me in my own time with Jesus, and I could not be more grateful. You have a good heart already, little one, and if you keep following after Jesus He will form you into a man of character and valor.

I keep thinking of the ways I want to raise you. I want to shape you to be a man of God, a gentleman, an adventurer, an advocate, a man of integrity, a creative, a smarty-pants, but not too smart, a kid who giggles always and who loves well. I want to show you how beautiful God’s Word is, and how gentle and kind His Spirit is, and the best part is that He will show you those things about Himself over time. You will have your own encounters with Jesus and I cannot wait to see how He shows up in your life.

Jett, though I want to raise you in certain ways, and to shape you, I realize that you will, in fact, shape me. You will teach me to be selfless and will show me every way that I fail to do so. Your sweet self will push me and test me and reveal to me what is actually in me, the parts of me that still need the grace of Jesus poured out all over me. Jett, please forgive me ahead of time for the ways I will mess up, and trust my heart that I love you more than words can say. I hope you see in my eyes the love I have for your little self even when I have to have hard conversations and I have to ground you and take away your phone. I hope you know that my heart aches when you struggle and I cry when you hurt; I pray you see that I celebrate your strengths and your weaknesses. You have nothing to prove to me, I love you just as you are.

I pray for a courageous heart that is unafraid of conflict because the Lord is your Guard and it is under His wings that you can take shelter. I pray for wisdom to flood your thoughts and to guide your footsteps because knowing God and loving Him is the beginning of wisdom. I pray you seek Him with all your heart; He will never hide from you, and He is never withholding, so seek Him with everything you are because there is no life like the life we have in Him. My son, I want you to know that our God is the Lion of Judah and the Lamb—I have experienced Him in such beautiful ways as the Lion and the Lamb. He is fighting on your behalf and on our family’s behalf. There is nothing like His warrior-love and He will fight your battles, and you are never alone.

Jett Ezekiel, come soon. Your room is ready, your car seat in the car, my hospital bag is packed, Dad can’t wait to meet you and hold you, and we are so ready to meet you. (And also. You’re a couple days late. Ugh… J ) You have so many people waiting in anticipation for your sweet self to arrive, a whole tribe of women and men and students and family who absolutely adore you even now.

See you soon, sweet son. Love you tons.

kate johnson

Southern California